Everybody that read my blog post “Birth Wish Letter“, knows how I imagined/wished my labor and birth to be. And in this blog post, you will see and understand, why you need to keep an open mind and accept that things can go very different from what you want.
So where do I start?
Friday, December 28, 2012 – being 15 days overdue, my doctor and I decided that it was now time to be induced by Monday, December 31, 2012, If nothing had happened by then. We’ve scheduled non-stress-tests for every following day (Saturday, Sunday, and Monday) and every one of them had been perfect and showed that Mila was still fine and happy and I was as well.
Monday, December 31, 2012 – the day of the scheduled inducing… after I went to the bathroom at 5.30 am my waters decided to break. I was so excited, because I really didn’t want to be induced. I wanted it all natural and so I was super happy that it finally had started on its own. I called the hospital right away. It was just a little bit of amniotic fluid here and there, not a big whole gush. The nurse on the phone told me I could stay home till my 8 am appointment, if I have no contractions. Which I didn’t, so I went back to bed and had a little bit more sleep.
At 8 am we went to the hospital, because we had another non-stress-test scheduled. It showed that everything was still perfect and we are in no hurry. And it showed that I didn’t have contractions at all. The doctor checked my cervix, which he said was still pretty high, but very soft and thin, but I was only about 1 cm dilated. So he said it would be my choice… go back home and wait till the afternoon and see if contractions would start on their own, or drive to the hospital in our capital city (2 hour drive) and go get induced right away. Since I wanted it all natural… I decided that I wanted to wait some more and back home we went. To help dilate and get things going, I went on the treadmill for half an hour. Then napped a little bit and snacked some and napped some more…
3 pm (still Monday, December 31, 2012) contractions have started. They were still pretty light, but I could feel that they were real contractions. It was already painful, not like Braxton Hicks Contractions. And they seemed to be around 10 minutes apart. So we went right back to the hospital to get checked, thinking and hoping I would be dilated at least 4 cm. Nah… I dilated only half a cm more. So I was at 1.5 cm. I was disappointed, but we saw that something had happened, so they said to go back home. Back home we had dinner, we watched TV and I timed my contractions.
At around 12 am then, I realized that the contractions gotten really strong and only about 5 minutes apart. So back to the hospital we went, and got checked again. Much to our disappointment, NOTHING had happened. I was still at 1.5 cm and cervix still very high. The nurse said that the contractions weren’t strong enough yet – OMG, they were so strong already, I couldn’t talk or concentrate on anything and had to breathe through them – … so really? They have to get much stronger yet?? How am I gonna survive that?
So, once again… we went back home. I lied down on the couch, trying to tough it out. It was freaking painful! I have never ever felt such a strong pain in my life! It was terrible, I was ready to give up. It hurt so bad. Every five minutes the contractions kept coming. So strong, unbearable. Mario felt so helpless… he was worried and didn’t like to see me suffer like that. I tried to nap, my body was so exhausted. I fell asleep in between contractions, but woke up in lots of pain when the next one was coming. I freakin lied there for 8 (EIGHT) hours… 8 hours with strong contractions, every five minutes. It was the worst I’ve ever felt.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 – 8 am we went back to the hospital. It was a terrible night, but I was very positive that after I’ve just spend eight freakin hours with extremely strong contractions that were 5 minutes apart… I MUST have dilated to 9 cm and am ready to push. NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! …. They checked me again and I STILL was only 1.5 cm and my cervix was too high. WTF ?!?!?!?!? What is wrong with me? Why are you doing this to me? … I was exhausted and shocked and disappointed and I just wanted to throw the towel. That’s it, I’m done, I don’t want this anymore.
Now there was no question about … We’re going to take the 2 hour drive to the hospital to get induced! RIGHT NOW.
Before we did so, they printed out all the papers I needed to give to them in that other hospital, and the doctor was friendly enough to ask me if I need something for the pain. YES !!!! Please … lots. So they gave me 20 mg of morphine pills. Which I took right away as we headed out to that other hospital.
Well… what can I say… THEY DID NOT WORK ! I sat in that car, for two hours, with very hard labor contractions every 5 minutes apart! It was the worst drive ever. I will never forget that and will always think about that every time we drive in that direction.
As we made it there, I asked myself “am I still alive?” … Mario drove me with the wheelchair, because I wasn’t able to walk anymore. It was crazy. We checked in and I got immediately cared for. The nurses were very competent and helped me breathe through my contractions. More non-stress-tests were performed and paperwork has been done. Then there was this question… “did you want the epidural?” … WELL… in my birth wish letter was written that I don’t want any drugs, no epidural… BUT … HELL YES … gimme that shit! Of course I didn’t mention anything that I previously was so sure that I didn’t want epidural… I just told her that I can’t wait to get the epidural! lol
So… they put the epidural in, put the IV drip in to get induced and re broke my waters. As soon as the epidural was in, I felt instant relieve. I felt like in heaven! It felt sooooooooooooo good. Epidural next time around? Hell yes!
With that inducing fluid in, I dilated 2 cm every two hours. When I was at 8.5 cm they turned off the IV to see if my body wants to do the rest on it’s own… two hours later, when they checked me again… NOTHING. My body wasn’t even doing the last bit… So they turned the IV on again on 2 (which must be pretty low) … got checked an hour again and I wasn’t dilated much more… so they cranked it up a lil more … and then I got ready…
Wednesday, January 2, 2013 – I pushed and pushed… I pushed for 1 hour … they performed an episiotomy, which I didn’t even feel (and which I wrote in my birth wish letter that I didn’t want either) … and pushed some more and they put forceps to the works and pulled hard to help me along and there she was… they put her on my belly and I was shocked how heavy she felt on my tummy. Oh… and Mario helped holding one of my legs while I was pushing. He was great support and I couldn’t have imagined going through all this without him! He actually saw her scalp between my legs and I still could feel her kicking me in the rips!!! crazy girl.
Anyways… Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013 at 3.15 am, Mila was born, 9 lbs 15 oz (4507 g) and 21.25″ (54 cm) tall and SO beautiful. She had no wrinkles and already looked like a 2 months old. She was the top story of the hospital.
Daddy cried, Mommy was to overwhelmed and exhausted to cry. lol…
Here is the first ever picture of our new family of 3 (Mila is only 2 days old in those pictures):